I battle sometimes wondering if I'm missing it. I love Jesus and yet I enjoy comfort and security. I rest in them. In full honesty, I usually rest there instead of in God Himself, my true rest and refuge. We encounter the persecuted church a lot through our job (from afar) and I feel a thrill to serve them in any way and yet a sadness at the reminder of how my daily life doesn't always show Christ as my Supreme treasure.
I believe God has shown me this to encourage me, not discourage me. In His grace, I think He is lovingly and gently reminding me that all the earth and everything in it is His. The gifts I daily receive are great gifts from a loving Father, but THE gift is always Him. And in my plenty, it is an opportunity to remember that it's all from Him and to his glory. I'm encouraged though, by others who had all the same wealth I have and gave it up fully so that everyone everywhere might know this great Jesus.
I read a series of posts on Tim Challis' blog that just pierced me with a reminder of two lives lived fully to God's glory. It's the story of John and Betty Stam, young missionaries to China who were brutally murdered for their faith. The love they had for God and others is a beautiful challenge for me. I weep every time I read about having to leave their baby as they are taken to be killed and just trust God would provide and care for her. Wow. And it is told that they died with peaceful looks on their faces. Could I trust in Him in that major a way? I long to stop living for me and instead delight in God fully and live and die to His glory alone!!! You should read their full story in the blog here: Part 1 and Part 2
Here's one glimpse explaining God's glory in this seemingly untimely suffering:
You have seen these wounded bodies, and you pity these foreigners for their suffering and death. But you should know that they are children of God. Their spirits are unharmed and at this minutes are in the presence of God.They came to China and to Miaosheo not for themselves but for you, to tell you about God and His love, that you might believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and be saved eternally. You have heard this message. Remember it is true. Their death proves that. Do not forget what they told you. Repent and believe the Gospel.