Tuesday, March 5, 2013
In the Midst, Part 4- The Day We Lost the Baby
I've been sharing some texts I wrote as I sensed God's nearness in the midst of my miscarriage. You can read the first 3 here: 1, 2, 3
We lost the baby today.
"in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
Sweet baby knows a sweeter joy, not mixed with salty sorrow, but in God's presence with full joy.
God took me to Psalm 27:
"One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. "
And then here in Psalm 73:
"I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you.
Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. "
I sense Him near. That grief is good. The sadness is ok. And that in it, HE is my portion. this longing and aching for our baby is pointing to the "one thing" that my heart really wants and needs:Jesus. There's nothing i desire more than Him. Nothing. HE alone is my strengh and portion forever.
Sorrow comes in waves. In it I feel comfort from God and His sustaining peace. I think the sorrow being there is bringing a depth to Christmas I hadn't experienced before and i'm thankful for. The gift of Immanuel, God Himself with us, brings tears this year. Because in my grief, I realize how incredible it is that God is with us. Sorrow and joy are all mixed together.