Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Death=Life, But the Dying Part Scares Me

I'm in count down mode for baby number 3. Only a few precious days until we meet him. That also means that in just a few days I will have major surgery #3. My last csection was pretty scary and things didn't go well. It was so bad that when they asked Andy (who was told to sit down and that he may be asked to leave) if he'd like to go with Caleb, he said "no" and stayed with me. I cried. A lot. It was a scary experience first as I reacted badly to the anesthesia and then later as I laid on the operating table seeing my blood squirt up, and wondering if I'd be ok. It brought out a heart of fear that I battle. Though being with Jesus face to face sounds AMAZING, I'm still afraid of the actual dying part.

I see how God has lovingly spurred me towards Himself in my struggle. It was after that day that I really started praying that He would give me a heart that is full, at peace, and resting in Him all my days. I have been asking Him to ease my fear and instead give me joy in both the days I have here and the beginning of real life with Him that my death will bring. Today, as I prep for surgery and think on these things again, I'm encouraged by a post by John Bloom called "There Never Seems to Be Enough Time" on desiringgod.org. You can read the whole post on desiringgod, but here are a few highlights:

So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom(Psalm 90:12).

What did Moses mean by “a heart of wisdom”? He meant a heart that believes “the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to turn away from evil is understanding” (Job 28:28).
And what is the fear of the Lord? “The fear of the Lord is hatred of evil” (Proverbs 8:13).
And what is evil? At root, evil is unbelief in God and any action that results from it: “whatever does not proceed from faith is sin” (Romans 14:23).
A heart of wisdom is a heart that believes God’s promises, trusts his wise governance over all of life, and turns away from anything that is not faith.
Life is more than food or clothes (Matthew 6:25). Life is more than accomplishing items on a “bucket list.” Life is more than spending time with loved ones, though that may be granted as a precious gift not to be squandered. “Life is Christ” (Philippians 1:21).
“And death is gain” (Philippians 1:21). “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life” (John 3:36). The reward of a heart of wisdom is that we really will spend every day in an eternity that will not pass away, just spending them with the Son, our great delight.


Anonymous said...


I love how God leads and speaks to you. Your heart to please Him in every way is so inspiring. Thank you for so honestly sharing your struggles! I am thinking of you a lot and praying for you. Now I know how to pray even more intelligently. What time is your surgery on Friday?

Love you!

Ginny said...

Thanks so much Sheree! I'm so thankful for you. My surgery is at 6 am.

Anonymous said...

Oh Gin! Thanks so much for your vulnerability in this entry. Though I can't relate to having a c-section, I can relate to that fear (I face it every time I get on a plane). And I have seen how EVERY single time, God has met that fear with a comfort and peace that is both special, memorable, and deeply personal. Praying for you that the same Jesus who grabbed Peter's hand in the midst of the waves, would hold your hand in the next few days. Love you lots! Wish I could be there with you all to welcome Noah!
- Becky R.